I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I think we might need a safe word for this...
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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