Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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