All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
