Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
