went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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