On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
