I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
