Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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