Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
