Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
