as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
