It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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