I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
