My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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