I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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