i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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