I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
