It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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