i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You ate ashes out of my bong
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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