Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
