The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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