If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm passing your future prison.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
How does it feel to date your dad?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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