the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
