My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
