dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
