my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
