Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
