I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
