she looked like the bat from fern gully.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
