i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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