just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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