We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
BRING THE BAGELS
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
