you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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