Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize