You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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