Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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