Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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