Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
