I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
