I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize