you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize