I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
the day after is always just damage control
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
