its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
