This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
