Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
