Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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