D3 body, D1 cock
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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