Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
