Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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