You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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