Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
