I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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