There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize