Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
