the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
