you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
The air taste purple.
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