Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
