I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
