Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
