is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
