i may or may not be watching the land before time
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
