oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
