i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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