i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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