belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
