Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize