He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
