How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
