I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
