I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
