Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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