i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
