careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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