I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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